Sometimes she’s tough and bad ass and mean and messy.

And things fall apart and feel like shoe laces that have come undone.

And you don’t want to tie them.

Not now.

Not yet.



Believe there is love. Believe in your light. Believe you will find the answers. Believe in your questions. Believe in change. Believe in the stars. Believe in your own path. Believe in your heart. Believe there is purpose even in your smallest movement. Believe in the stillness. Believe in bliss and freedom and chaos and struggle. Believe in the ways your soul is telling you how beautiful you are no matter what.


September was like a prayer; photographs filled with love and inspiration, the hues of red, pink, orange, purple and blue. Dawn and dusk became a sweet embrace of light. It called for hope and spread out a warm, pretty, and welcoming blanket on a field of dreams, imploring one to believe in the magic of the heart. My photo-heart connection. Well, one of many.

Glowing Pains

Untitled by creative_jen
Untitled, a photo by creative_jen on Flickr.

Last night, after feeling drained from the day’s dramas, I called a friend to ask for some help.

Were the planets in some strange alignment? I asked. Why were things so weird and painful and messy “in there”. I was in a place that hurt and I have been trying to let it go but it all came back. It’s me, right? I asked again. It’s my fault. That would be Buddhist. My own doing. I need to forgive all this. I need to cut the cord, release that anchor from my heart, another friend lovingly suggested. You have to make that decision, she urged, to let it ALL go.

Last night I was also reminded to concentrate on my heart chakra. This morning the candle glow gave me this. I am in tears.


16 by creative_jen
16, a photo by creative_jen on Flickr.

I had dreamt of the day we would get to talk, really talk, and I wondered what it would be like; would he find me cool, would he think I was an awesome friend, would he see the mother who loves him so much, what would his thoughts be like? What would be the words, what would he sound like?

When he was around 2, I would ask him, so what’s your name? your name is…? He smiled this smile that little boys have for the first most beautiful creature in their life and said “Atu”.

Happy 16 years! I am loving getting to know you. Hooray for cake and candle glow! Finally.